Dumgalangal

I've been dreaming of cathedrals
At least ones big enough for you
You're the reason I'm lobotomised
You're a black Shakespearean Jew

You're my uncorrected vision
You're a renamed lower division
You've changed my sanguine to sanguinary
You deserve a distilled pillory
Were you conceived before the pill?

I see your face in crumpled bog roll
You're a North Vietnam death hole
You're the temperature at the South Pole
You're the cause of much ado (I wish)

You're like my first ingrowing toenail
You're a postbox full of hatemail
You're a prisoners half full bed pail
You're the stuff that blocks the loo

When a friend suggests a blind date
I'd prefer to check my prostate
Your expelate alters climate
I'd prefer to alter you

You've made me grow a little moustache
You've aroused my inner Jordash
I want to see your final bedbath
They should feed you 3 by 2

Please die

When I finally see your coffin
I'll be glad you've turned to nothing
I just pray you've left no offspring
Will you please turn off the light

You're shite !

One Day in Bangkok

Last night in Bangkok's made me humble
That curry's made my bowels grumble
I got that pissed I tripped and stumbled
Now I've gone and fucked my knee

The safest bets a hair o't' dog
After I've showered and filled the bog
You wouldn't believe the size o' t' log
That bottle of Carlsberg's 60p

Fucking great, just what your man ordered
Nice and cold, fag, piss
Watch the world go by
Beer burger, boys turn up, fag, piss beer

Fag, piss beer fag piss, fag beer piss,
Beer fag piss, beer fag piss
Beer fag, beer fag, beer fag long piss

Next bar, beer, run out of fags, cheers
Fucking Menthol, beer piss, pack o' Marlboro
Beer fag piss, fag beer fag piss
Moving on size o' the bill
Stalls, fat cunt blocking the pavement

Beer fag, Beer fag, it's new this gaff
Beer fag, piss beer fag, look at the tits on her
Beer fag, cola for you, my room
How much ? I'll have my cola back

Next bar, piss beer who's nicked my fags
New pack of fags, beer piss, fag beer piss
Taxi

Never changes this place does it
Beer fag piss, beer fag piss
Beer fa…lovely arse, beer fag
You want drink? Yes , Come with me ? Yes
Beer, Baccadi Bleeza, fag kiss

Back to HQ lads, where's Ollie?
Beer Baccadi Bleeza, fag kiss kiss
Fag piss kiss beer fag
How old you 26, same me, blush (both)
Beer fag, 4 foot stuffed Tweetie Pie Bird
Beer fag Baccadi Bleeza, Cola for bird
Beer fag piss, toilet blocked feet wet
Me, her, Tweetie, Taxi driver keeping straight face (not)
Hotel me, her, Tweetie, receptionist
Where the fuck's my key
Fat American Tourist- Bangkok sure is fun

Appendix

When I woke she looked like Peter Beardsley
And had a cleft lip

Pregnant Pause

I'm a paramilitary poet
Permutating prose, pocking parchment, pleading poverty
Populating podiums proving populist philosophies
Please policemen priests and pedants

I'm a parsimonious publican pulling pints
Pinching pennies, polishing pots, placing peanuts
Packaging perished porkscratchings
Providing paralytic pissheads personal pleasure plus psoriasis

I'm a psychosomatic psychiatric patient
Purpose? Popularity
Parried providences pretences prompting pathos
proves parental plenty
whilst publicising penitent piercings
perniciously persuing personage

I'm a pretty Parisian prostitute
Pandering to perverts, providing priests pedantic pleasure
Preening possible punters
Peculiar perversions permitted
Providing Peruvian powders paid for

I'm a post punk paramedic
Phlegmatically pampering piles
Prudently pilfering pills
Preparing patients prophylactics
Praying prolapsed patients perish

I'm a pugilistic postman
Prodding parcels, pinching pamphlets
Plodding piqued past peoples pads
Percussing passing public
Petchulantly pikeing policemen

I'm a pessimistic poet
Producing pointless palpable pap
Praying publishers
Participate
So I can afford to pick a peck of Peter Pipers
Pickled fucking pepper

Pissing hell

Spillage

Now hear this
I've spent all my money on piss
I get barred from the bars
Then cause damage to cars
And sobriety seems like a wish

See I've spent all my vouchers on booze
My excuse is it helps me to snooze
If its whiskey or Guinness
I'll drink til I'm finished
Then find strangers to verbally abuse

I occasionally get into fights
On the worst of my steam boated nights
See I'm usually benign
But turn loathsome with wine
And fix innocent men in my sights

There are times I get dragged down the station
When I've liberally sipped the libation
I receive verbal cautions
Of titanic proportions
That I'm breaking the laws of the nation

Liquid lunches can make people homeless
I'll be casteless, al fresco, throne less
Cos I've blown all my rent
Getting ratarsed, pissed, spent
And I need to take steps to find soberness

All the money I've pissed up the wall
Could be stacked in a pile ten foot tall
It would pay for a house
And ten acres with grouse
But I'm skint and my liver's too small

If I just catch a ride on the wagon
And break friends with my comrade the flagon
I can rebuild my life
Then make up with my wife
And slay ale like St George did the Dragon

You

You're my best friend
My brother
My querulous lover
A new pair of trainers
You make me feel famous

Without you I'm nothing
I can't find my feet
I need you to be near me
You're my weekend treat
(and you're God)

When we nightclub together
I'm grouse and you're heather
You could never leave me alone
You should never leave me alone
I'm Christ and you're his clone

You're Yankee Express
Alone I'm not dressed
My unbendable Access
Expendable praxis

Why won't you look for me
I can't leave home without you

I'm Golum
You're the ring
You're not there
I can't sing

I'm stuck in my flat without you

I need you more than you know
I need you
You know that we should split
But that's too painful
I love you I love you
You're expensive
I'm homeless

Don't go

(That poem is called COCAINE)

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